remiel:

I love “Friday”. Unabashedly. I hope Rebecca Black makes a million dollars from it, her debut album is a Gaga-caliber hit, and she marries her dreamboat, Justin Bieber.

When I first heard “Friday”

I thought “This is quite possibly the worst song ever!” Every pop musician who pays attention…

I currently have an insanely complicated home theater setup that takes up half my closet, connected by a rat’s nest of cables that I dare not touch lest I inexplicably lose the left audio channel on my Blu-ray player. It’s ridiculous, it’s completely overkill for my needs, and did I mention it takes up half my closet? My tiny, Manhattan-sized closet?

Something’s got to give.

I won’t bore you with the details of my master plan (yet) but I find myself searching for a piece of hardware that I’m not sure exists. Perhaps you can help.

My home theater receiver is huge. Massive. It’s 10” tall, 20” deep, weighs 800 lbs, and probably draws more power than our air conditioner. Despite its long list of capabilities, it has but two jobs that are of any use to me: 1) switch between my various components, and 2) make things loud.

Now, since shifting to a Mac Mini home media server running Boxee, that first job is all but obsolete. And the second? Well, as I said, I live in a small apartment in the West Village. I’ve never come close to testing the amplification limits of this thing.

And so, I find myself looking for a replacement. Something small. Something elegant. Something that does what I need, and nothing more. Something that, ideally…

• has a single, optical audio input,
• will decode that audio input into surround sound channels,
• will amplify those channels enough for me to enjoy television and movies at a reasonable volume,
• and comes in a compact, visually appealing form factor with a simple user interface. Or, better yet, no user interface. Just a volume knob and an on/off switch.

Do you know of such a beast? Do you have one yourself? For the love of god, please tell me! Everything I see is pretty much the opposite of what I want: a giant monstrosity that has eighteen inputs, 500W of ground-shaking power, and an unholy mess of buttons, dials and knobs.

catalogliving:

At 10:30 every morning, when Gary’s rolled up all his beige paper and put away his giant compasses, he takes a moment for himself to sit in his favorite chair and do a quick “Mork calling Orson” monologue.

Kathryn and I are neck-deep in cardboard boxes, and I’ve uncovered a number of items that are too valuable to throw away, but not valuable enough to spend my (very limited) time selling on Ebay or Craigslist.

Do you live in New York City? Any or all of these items are yours, provided you can come and pick them up this week. Call, text, email, or DM on Twitter if you’re interested.

UPDATE: All gone!

• Mac mini (PowerPC Model A1103): I don’t remember how fast the processor is. It’s either 1.25, 1.42, or 1.5 GHz. Brand new hard drive.
• AirPort Extreme (802.11g, Model A1034): Remember when wifi base stations looked like spaceships? SO EXTREME!!1
• Apple Mice: One wireless Mighty Mouse, one corded Mighty Mouse, and one Pro Mouse (no scroll ball).
• Canvas Jack Spade messenger bag (tan): I’ve had an item labeled “Clean and sell Jack Spade bag” on my to-do list, but I just never got around to it. A little detergent, a little elbow grease, and it’ll be like new. Perfect for carrying your Mac Mini, AirPort Extreme, and assorted Apple mice.
• Spice Rack: Our oft complemented, seldom used magnetic spice cabinet shan’t be making the move with us.

Kathryn and I have run out of space in our liquor cabinet. Bottles are, once again, spilling out into our dining room, and we’re faced with a decision: buy another cabinet, or figure out a way to fit more booze into our existing space. If at all possible, I would prefer the latter, so I’ve concocted an absurdly complicated plan to squeeze every last inch of space out of our existing cabinet (a sliding-door credenza from CB2).

Each half of the unit currently houses around 30 bottles. Most are 750ml, some less, and a few are infuriatingly shaped so as to consume the largest possible footprint while containing a small amount of liquid (ahem). Bottles in the back are difficult to reach, and any attempt at organization devolves into a game of Tetris.

I’m convinced that non-uniform bottle size is incompatible with a Manhattan-sized apartment. I searched the internet for inexpensive, square, tall bottles, suitable for rebottling hooch, and found this little beauty.

My quest for a 750ml bottle was fruitless, but I’m starting to think that 500ml bottles actually make more sense. A survey of our cabinet reveals that we have far more bottles that contain under 500ml of booze, than more. When new bottles are acquired, we can split the contents between two bottles, or gift/sell the overflow to friends (an appealing option for niche spirits, for which we want on hand for rinses or eyedropping).

With carefully measured, custom cut shelves, the bottles can be stored horizontally, and effectively double the capacity of our cabinet. Each side would be laid out thusly:

Bottles would be labeled, of course, and corresponding labels will be affixed to the edge of the shelves for ease of reference. I’m still working through this, but I’m currently favoring a solution based on magnetic tape and metal plates, so that labels can easily be moved.

Before I buy bottles and have shelves cut, I want independent, third-party verification that this isn’t a really stupid idea. Unless convinced otherwise, I’m placing an order for 132 glass bottles right after the Manhattan Cocktail Classic. If you, or anyone you know, has tried something like this and ended up with Gin all over their dining room floor, now would be an excellent time to speak up.